Doing Some “Arts and Crafts”

In this episode: We take a detour to Dawn’s college days, where she learns about that thing where it’s daytime, but like, you can still see the moon? How is that legal? Crawford eagerly tries to keep drunk drivers off the road. That tattooed vampire lady from last episode talks about the infeasibility of trickle-down economics. Rita and Sunny go on a date. We don’t have a joke here, it’s just cute as hell. Dawn and Dax smoke a bunch of weed and talk about air fryers. 

Cast:
Narrator, Crawford -  Sean Turner @seanwkturner

Dawn - Emma Fuentes @og_emmakid

 Roger, Dax -  Kyle Coughlin @kale_simplykale

 Sunny - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222

Holly, Judith,   - Brianne Leeson @brianne_leeson (Instagram), @hotsauceghost (twitter)

Writer, Director
Brianne Leeson

Producers
Brianne Leeson, Violet Lantz

Editor, Sound Design
James Leeson

Original theme music  by Sean Turner
Cover art by Bryn Keenum @brynandbristles

http://www.todaysluckywinner.buzzsprout.com
http://www.instagram.com/luckywinnershow
http://www.twitter.com/luckywinnershow
http://www.facebook.com/luckywinnershow

Transcript

Rating Introduction:

1. (Narrator voice): Are you tired? Listless? Looking for a moment of escape from this hellish nightmare reality you inhabit? Today’s Lucky Winner from Sanguis Pharmaceuticals can help.

Independent studies, that are definitely not fictional, show that listeners reduced their boredom by up to 69%. 

Today’s Lucky Winner is not for everyone. Do not listen to Today’s Lucky Winner if you are under 18, easily offended by cussing, or are a snitch who can’t listen to fictional drug use. 

Side effects may include giggling, distraction from worldly concerns, and hyper aggressive sleep punching. Ask your doctor if Today’s Lucky Winner is right for you.

2. (Previously on) 

SCENE ONE: DAWN’S FRESHMAN DORM: NIGHT TIME, LIKE 2006ISH? I DON’T WANT TO DO MATH

1. (SOUND) Rewind Noise 

2. (SOUND) SOLDERING IRON

3. (SOUND) DROPS AND SHUFFLES AROUND SOME SMALL METAL TOOLS

4. (MUSIC) SOMETHING INSTRUMENTAL THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN MGMT OR M83 ADJACENT BAND. SOMETHING AN AUTISTIC COLLEGE FRESHMAN IN THE 00’S WOULD VIBE TO

5. (SOUND) Muffled dorm conversations in hallway

6. (SOUND) KNOCK ON DOOR

7. HOLLY: [MUFFLED] Knock, knock, knock! Hey, Daria! You’re missed the dorm meeting! I wanted to talk to you about-

8. (SOUND) door opens during previous line

9. (SOUND) a few footsteps walk into Dawn’s dorm room. 

10. DAWN: [sigh, annoyed as hell] It’s Dawn.

11. HOLLY: No, it’s night time. See, it’s dark. I know that’s confusing sometimes, though. Because in the morning times, when I wake up sometimes, it’s still dark, but it’s like, morning? Like I took a flight at 5:00 in the morning times with my boyfriend to go to Destin for spring break last year,  and I was like, it’s morning, Brad! Why is it dark? And by the time we got to the airport, the sun was coming up some, but I could still see the moon? Like, how is that ALLOWED? But anyways, I KNOW it’s confusing, but Brad explained-

12. DAWN: [annoyed, hates Holly more than anything] MY NAME IS DAWN. 

13. HOLLY: Like short for Donald, like my grandpa? [uncomfortable laugh, confused] How interesting and pretty. 

14. DAWN: Why are you in my room, Holly?

15. HOLLY: Oh, I was just gonna see if you wanted to come to this- Whoa, what the heck is that? [scared] Are you like, building a bomb or something. 

16. DAWN: [annoyed sigh] NO, HOLLY. I took apart my Nintendo DS. 

17. HOLLY: Uh-huh, why?

18. DAWN: I upgraded to a 3DS, and I want to see if I can use this to run an emulator of the 1982 arcade game, Star Trek: Strategic Operations Simulator. The platform is just MS-DOS, and someone on the forums gave me the actual game. I could play it on my computer, but I want to see if I can run it through the DS controls. So I’ve taken apart the-

19. HOLLY: [not listening] Okay, Yeah. That’s neat. Hey, why do you have a private room?

20. DAWN: Disability accommodation. 

21. HOLLY: [uncomfortable] But you don’t look…you know.

22. DAWN: Disabled? You can say disabled. It’s not a slur. 

23. HOLLY: Yeah.

24. DAWN: I’m autistic. 

25. HOLLY: I…so does that mean you’re- but you-

26. (SOUND) Dawn, frustrated, dropping tools 

27. DAWN: Holly! What. Do. You. Want?!

28. HOLLY: Oh! Yeah. I totally forgot. We’re going on a dorm date with the boys from Robson Hall this Friday. We’re all gonna go bowling, and maybe you can meet a cute-

29. DAWN: [slight laugh like that’s ridiculous] Yeah, no thanks. 

30. HOLLY: Do you not wanna go?

31. DAWN: Nope. You can go now. 

32. HOLLY: You don’t want to meet a cute guy?

33. DAWN: [laughs] Nah, I’m good. 

34. HOLLY: It’s a great way to meet guys! You could get luckyyyyy. It’s like going on a date with like 12 guys at once! 

35. DAWN: Hard pass, Holly. 

36. HOLLY: [thinks she’s made a realization] Oh. Ohhhh! Are you [whispers] a lesbian? 

37. DAWN: [whispers back] No. Please leave my room. 

38. HOLLY: I’m sorry, it is because you’re a person with art-ism? 

39. DAWN: Autistic person. And kind of, yes, but also no. I just don’t want to. 

40. HOLLY: [confused, mad] Fine. Your loss. I’m just trying to help you be social and make some friends. 

41. (SOUND) Footsteps walking out

42. (SOUND) Dorm room door closing 

43. RANDOM DORM GIRL: [muffled, inaudible question from down the hall]

44. HOLLY: [muffled] Oh? Oh yeah! Donna or whatever? I just asked her. She doesn’t want to go.

45. RANDOM DORM GIRL: [muffled response, also a question] 

46. HOLLY: [muffled] I don’t know. She said she doesn’t want to go. She’s like gay and differently abled and artistic or something. 

47. DAWN: [sigh] I HAVE to start locking my door. 

48. (MUSIC) Intro 

SCENE TWO: Back of a big parking lot: 1:30PM

1. (SOUND) Jangling keys

2. (SOUND) Outdoor, city, daytime

3. ROGER: [drunk] Telling me I ain’t good to drive. I just had a few beers at lunch. I ain’t some pussy can’t handle a couple or 6 Shiner’s with my lunch. Gonna kick Lyle’s ass, him telling me I can’t drive. I gotta g-g- [burp] go back to work. Trucks w-won’t sell themselves. Lyle. [laugh] Fucking truck won’t unlock. How in the-

4. (SOUND) swift wind noise, Crawford has vampire speeded onto the scene 

5. (SOUND) Keys drop

6. ROGER: (suddenly choked by Crawford, but NOT in a sexual way. Please. I swear to god, ya’ll) 

7. CRAWFORD: That’s because you’ve been fiddling with your Cowboy’s keychain, and not your key fob. Ain’t gonna open shit with that keychain. Lyle was right. You shouldn’t drive 

8. ROGER: (distressed noises while being choked) 

9. (SOUND) Keys being picked up

10. (SOUND) Truck door unlocks 

11. (SOUND) Truck bed gate thingie is lowered

12. (SOUND) Crawford throws Roger into the back of the truck bed 

13. CRAWFORD: [sinister laughing and horny for murder noises while Roger begs for his life. I need him to seem slightly horny for kinda gay reasons too.] 

14. ROGER: [sobered up from fear] Wh-what do you want from me? Just take the truck. I sell them. I have 4 of these. It means nothing. You don’t gotta kill me in the bed of my own pickup. Please. Take whatever you want. These boots alone are worth- (Crawford is choking him again, choking noises through Crawford’s next line)

15. CRAWFORD: I don’t GOTTA kill you in the bed of your own pickup, but I’m gonna. You had your lunch break, and now it’s time for mine. [let’s go of Roger’s throat] 

16. ROGER: You really don’t have to kill me. Let me give you my wallet, please. You can get lunch wherever you want. I have a black card! I won’t even report it stolen for a few days, you can-

17. (SOUND) Punch

18. ROGER: [just got punched noises made through Crawford’s next line, turns into helpless crying] 

19. CRAWFORD: My momma could buy and sell you and your entire family. I don’t give a shit about your money. I’m gonna have a little fun getting you good and scared, and them I’m gonna eatcha’. [takes a beat, chuckles] I know you parked way out here so nobody would hurt your precious truck, but maybe you should have been a little more worried about someone hurting you. 

20. ROGER: [crying, desperate, realized he’s probably gonna die] Please. Please, I’ll do anything. I’m sorry I was gonna drive drunk. I’m sorry I-

21. (SOUND) Dagger throw noise

22. (SOUND) Dagger lodged in human throat noise

23. ROGER: [wet dying noises]

24. CRAWFORD: [gasp] Oh, god damn it! My Lunch! Hell, he’s gonna be dead in a sec. Who’s there?

25. (SOUND) Suction noise of pulling a dagger out of Roger’s throat. 

26. ROGER: [even wetter dying noises that fade out as he straight up dies]

27. CRAWFORD: [livid] Whose dagger is this?!

28. JUDITH: I was just killing your lunch for you. You really shouldn’t have taken that dagger out. You’re losing half your lunch while he bleeds out onto this truck bed. 

29. CRAWFORD: [spooked, didn’t hear her walk over to the side of the truck bed] Wh-who the fuck are you? Why did you kill him?! He’s no good to me now. 

30. JUDITH: He still has blood you can drink, no?

31. CRAWFORD: Yes, but I didn’t kill him by drinking his blood, so-

32. JUDITH: So Ambrogio doesn’t get his soul? That sounds like he’s still quite useful to you, a hungry vampire, but he isn’t useful to Ambrogio anymore. Why should you care about getting souls for Ambrogio? He should do it himself. I haven’t collected a soul for Ambrogio since Jesus was just a twinkle in that angel’s eye. 

33. CRAWFORD: Jesus was a-

34. JUDITH: Half angel? Yeah. Hence the “miracles” and such. He was a nice guy. He took it a little far with the whole, “Son of God” thing, but it’s not his fault that the little cult he started got out of hand. [pause] But as I was saying, why should it be your responsibility to take this man’s life on behalf of Ambrogio?

35. CRAWFORD: B-because we collect souls for him, and he shares his power with-

36. JUDITH: [chuckles] Oh, you really believe that “trickle down economics” bullshit that mother drones on about, don’t you? Do you feel powerful, in the slightest?

37. CRAWFORD: M-mother? Are you?

38. JUDITH: Your much, much older sister? Yes. 

39. CRAWFORD: [excited, hesitant] I’ve never met any of my siblings before. 

40. JUDITH: Well, Trapper, that’s because mother either abandons or kills most of us. 

41. CRAWFORD: [disbelief] Pfft, no. If she did kill anyone, they’d have had to be worth killing. And she’d never abandon me. She loves me. 

42. JUDITH: Really? How many times has she threatened to kill you for making a small mistake, hmm? How many times has she said something to the effect of “Disappoint me again, and I’ll kill you.”?  [pause] You’re adding them up, aren’t you?

43. CRAWFORD: [angry because she’s right] Wh-who are you?! What do you want? 

44. JUDITH: Trapper, my name is Judith. 

45. CRAWFORD: What do you want, Judith?

46. JUDITH: From you? Nothing. I would simply like to leave you with an open invitation, should mother’s constant barrage of abuses and busy work wear down your spirit enough. 

47. CRAWFORD: Momma is good to me! She loves me. I see why she abandoned you. You’re a-

48. JUDITH: [now close to Crawford’s face, she has him by the shirt collar] I am the one who left her, because contrary to what your Stockholm Syndrome may be telling you, any part of her that was capable of love is no longer functioning. She’s buried it down so far, all for the sake of giving her labor as capital to her unholy savior, Ambrogio. 

She CAN’T love you. She ISN’T good to you. You have worked for her for over a century now, and she’s not given you the family you were promised. But Trapper, I can do that for you. You can be free of the burden of feeding Ambrogio, forever. 

49. CRAWFORD: I-How…I don’t-

50. JUDITH: Ambrogio created us to be exploited. We were made to be his servants, by design…but we don’t have to. 

51. CRAWFORD: But-but he gives us our power. He-

52. JUDITH: I haven’t taken a single soul for Ambrogio since the year on the calendar had a “BC” at the end of it. Do I seem to be lacking in any power? 

53. CRAWFORD: I don’t understand. You’re lying. You can’t possibly-

54. JUDITH: Trapper, I have nothing to gain from telling you this. In fact, you could run off and tell mother you saw me, and put my life in jeopardy. I have everything to lose from talking to you. 

55. CRAWFORD: Then why would you come find me?

56. JUDITH: I’m extending you an open invitation. 

57. CRAWFORD: To what?

58. JUDITH: An invitation to be free from the constant abuse. To eat whomever you want. To embrace the fact that we are the top of the fucking food chain on this planet, and we should have free reign to be the predators we are, without playing into human politics, or giving power to some prick who sits on his ass in hell while we do all the fucking work. Without us, Ambrogio is nothing. If we unite, we can redistribute the power he hoards. I want to invite you to be part of a bigger plan. 

59. CRAWFORD: A plan? What are you planning? 

60. JUDITH: I’m going to find our king, and I’m going to CUT his FUCKING head off. I’m going to bite the hand that supposedly feeds. I’m going to eat the fucking rich. 

61. (MUSIC) Interstitial 

62. (AD REEL) 

SCENE THREE: Rooftop of Dax’s bar: 9:00PM

1. (SOUND) Nighttime city ambience 

2. (SOUND) Muffled bar sounds from the windows of the bar below 

3. (SOUND) Clang of a foot on a metal stair

4. RITA: [strained] Here we are, Sunshine. Give me just a sec- [strained breath] just a sec, and I’ll take your blindfold off. 

5. SUNNY: Why did you insist on carrying me up the fire escape, and to the roof, at Dax’s bar?

6. RITA: [still strained] Ohhhh, god damn it. You know where we are?!

7. SUNNY: Uhhh…yeah. Dawn said she was taking Dax up on their offer to hang out. We drove here together. 

8. RITA: Yeah, but we dropped Dawnie off and drove somewhere else. 

9. SUNNY: Oh, you mean when you just pulled the ice cream truck in and out of the parking lot beside the bar while you said “Ohhh, where could we be going?” Over and over again?

10. RITA: FUCK! How did you know?!

11. SUNNY: [laughs] Because the answer to where we could be going is “not more than 100 yards away from Dawn Menendez,” you beautiful ding dong. 

12. RITA: Fuck! I blame my Always Dummy Hot Disorder. I’m too hot to think of logistics. 

13. SUNNY: [giggles] You could have also just poofed me to the roof. 

14. RITA: AaaaaaaaaHHHHHH!!! WHY DO I FORGET I CAN DO THAT?!

15. SUNNY: [laughing] I don’t know, but can I take this blindfold off now? What were we gonna do? You wanted to have sexy time on the roof? 

16. RITA: I mean…I do now, but that wasn’t my motive for bringing you here. One last touch before I take your blindfold off.

17. (SOUND) Click of a record player 

18. (MUSIC) Soft, romantic 60’s instrumental shit starts playing

19. SUNNY: [surprised, happy gasp] Oh my god. 

20. NARRATOR: After Rita took off Sunny’s blindfold, Sunny surveyed the rooftop of Dax and Max bar. She’d never been up here before, but it was safe to assume that the twinkle lights, record player, and tent lined with blankets and pillows, were not regular fixtures.

21. SUNNY: [overcome with how sweet this looks] Rita!

22. RITA: Listen, I know, it’s not much. I borrowed the tent Dawn bought for our camping trip, and I know it’s not a fancy date or anything. I know it doesn’t look like I spent any money at all, let alone $368, but I had to pay Rico from Dax’s bar to come set this up, since I couldn’t get away from you and Dawn to do it, and it’s not like you can go to dinner and a movie. FUCK, would you have just rather gone to a movie? Or would it have been too hard to be with humans for that-

23. SUNNY: RITA! 

24. (SOUND) Big smooch

25. SUNNY: This is THE most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me. This is beautiful. 

26. RITA: Really? You’re not just saying that?

27. (SOUND) Medium smooch 

28. SUNNY: I’m not just saying that. 

29. RITA: [no longer anxious, excited] In that case, come look at everything we’ve got.

30. (SOUND) Short walk of two sets of feet on rooftop

31. (SOUND) Cooler/ice chest being opened

32. (SOUND) Ice cubes being pushed around

33. RITA: Okay, so Rico was a chump, and it only took $25 of my budget to get him to set this up. A good chunk of my budget went to getting you this. 

34. SUNNY: A Yoo-hoo bottle full of blood? 

35. RITA: Yeah, the container they used doesn’t accurately convey the gravitas of what it holds. This isn’t just any blood. This blood was donated by Morgan Le Fay. 

36. SUNNY: I’m sorry, WHAT? 

37. RITA: Yeah! She’s real, she was a powerful Druid healer, and Caoimhe’s grove worked together to find a way to get some of her blood to you. They were more than happy to help get you a present, but the supplies for the magic it took to make it happen were APPARENTLY, a little pricey. Although, as I look at this Yoo-hoo bottle, I’m starting to wonder if Caoimhe’s grandson Keegan just grifted me out of $200, for a spell they would have done for free. But, anyway, this is your dinner. 

38. SUNNY: This-this is too much. I don’t deserve all this. 

39. RITA: [chuckles] Don’t be ridiculous, you deserve FAR more than a Yoo-Hoo bottle full of blood. 

40. SUNNY: -blood from an Arthurian legend. 

41. RITA: Yeah, and you deserve more than that. Come over here! Let me show you the rest. 

42. NARRATOR: Rita lead Sunny over to the opening of the tent. To the right of the tent flap, a record player sat precariously on a milk crate, powered by multiple extension cords. Sunny internalized a concern over the fire hazard that Rita may have created, when she saw her pull a stack of records from inside of the tent. 

43. RITA: So, remember when I said that I had to take Dawn to the doctor for an anal prolapse?

44. SUNNY: When you lied, so you could go to the record store without me?

45. RITA: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

46. SUNNY: Dawn was calmer than anyone with an anal prolapse would be. 

47. RITA: She’s always calm at the weirdest times. I’m sure she’d just be cool as a cucumber, had she a prolapsed anus. 

48. SUNNY: AND, when you got back home, Dawn said “Hey, look what I saw at the record store.” And she showed me this picture of a first pressing of something called Tigermilk by Belle and Sebastian. She spent the next 20 minutes giving me the band’s full history. 

49. RITA: GOD, I have to remember to be clear with her about what things are supposed to be a secret.

50. SUNNY: [laughs] But show me what you found! I couldn’t have known the record store trip was for something as cute as this. 

51. RITA: [giggles] OKAY! So, I told the babe with the docs at the record store that I needed a selection of things that a beautiful lesbian would listen to in the 60’s. 

52. (SOUND) Flipping through records

53. SUNNY: [giggles] It’s mostly Dusty Springfield and The Zombies. (Pause) Oh! Laura Nyro!

54. RITA: Is that not good?

55. SUNNY: [chuckles] It’s perfect! [feigning suspicion] It’s so perfect, I kind of wonder if the babe from the record store is a lesbian vampire who was turned in the 60’s. 

56. RITA: Shit! She’s my type. You said we could discuss if I wanted to sleep with other people too, so if she’s ALSO a lesbian vampire from the 60’s-

57. SUNNY: [laughs] You have my blessing!

58. (SOUND) Big smooch 

59. RITA: I’m just goofin’. (Pause) I-I know it’s not much, but the plan for the evening is to hang out up here, You can drink your extra special dinner that’s in a fucking YOO-HOO BOTTLE, fucking smart ass Gen Z con artist Druid. I thought you might like being able to listen to the people down below, too. I know it’s hard to be around a lot of humans at once, and for too long, but I know you love people. We can listen to music, and you can read me some of the poetry books I have in the tent, and explain what the fuck stuff means. I looked through your bookshelves, and I don’t think you have any of the ones I got you. I hope not. I picked some names that you seemed to have a lot of. Is that dumb? Is this whole thing silly? Is this a lame date? I’ve never actually taken anyone on a real date. I don’t know what- 

60. (SOUND) Big smooch 

61. SUNNY: I love you too. 

62. RITA: What, did I say that- you- I thought-

63. SUNNY: You didn’t actually say it, but (gestures to rooftop) this sure as hell says you love me. 

64. RITA: Fuck. I do love you. I love you! I’m in love! I’ve never loved anyone before. 

65. SUNNY: Yes you have, don’t lie. 

66. RITA: [upset] I’m not a liar!

67. SUNNY: [consoling] No, I mean you love Dawn. 

68. RITA: Barf, no! I know I joke sometimes, but I’m not into Dawn. I only do it to see her make that face she makes. 

69. SUNNY: That face is hilarious, but you DO love her. It’s platonic love, but it’s love nonetheless. I think you’d stay within 100 yards of her, even I’d you weren’t magically tethered. 

70. RITA: That’s…that’s true. I would. I’ve done so much risky shit with her, that I wouldn’t have done for other Lucky Winners. But for Dawn, I think I’d do anything I could to help her, even if I wasn’t her chaperone. I-I feel compelled to protect her. I want to. 

71. SUNNY: Exactly. You love her. 

72. RITA: Fuck. I guess I love two people. 

73. SUNNY: And we love you. 

74. RITA: You do? Honest? You love be back?

75. SUNNY: Without a doubt. 

76. (SOUND) big smooch 

77. SUNNY: Loving you is one of the best things I’ve ever done. You make me happier than I ever was when I was human. You see the best parts of me.

78. (SOUND) Smooch

79. RITA: Aww, that’s really fucking gay, babe. 

80. SUNNY: I mean, we ARE really fucking gay. 

81. RITA: That’s true. That’s true. [horny mode] You wanna do some really fucking gay stuff together in the tent?

82. SUNNY: [giggles] I’d love to. 

83. (SOUND) Smooch

84. RITA: I love you. 

85. (MUSIC) Interstitial 

SCENE FOUR: Dax’s Apartment: 9:00PM 

1. (MUSIC) Lo-fi hip hop beats

2. NARRATOR: While Sunny and Rita…uhh…you know, while Sunny and Rita were doing some “arts and crafts” on the roof, Dawn sat in an ergonomic gaming chair in Dax’s apartment. She had been a little nervous about hanging out with Dax, but her anxiety quickly faded after dinner, when they invited her to use Max’s PC to play some games. 

3. DAX: Smoke break! Please, guests first. 

4. DAWN: Oh! Thanks. 

5. (SOUND) long bong rip 

6. DAX: [laughs] Jesus, what a rip. If I tried keeping up with your smoking, I’d be passed out by now. 

7. (SOUND) Bong rip

8. DAWN: [strained from bong rip, coughing, kind of laughing] Smoking with Rita has definitely upped my tolerance. [beat] Could we do a little more research before we start playing Dark Souls again?

9. DAX: [strained from bong rip, coughing] Of course.

10. (SOUND) A few footsteps as they walk over to a bookshelf

11. DAX: [still strained from the bong rip] I should really organize my bookshelves. I think we would have found exactly what you needed by now, if I didn’t just throw books on here wherever I find room. Maybe I’ll have alphabetized things next weekend. 

12. DAWN: Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m so stoned and full of Pad Kee Mao, I don’t know that I could remember the alphabet right now. [chuckles] 

13. DAX: [chuckles] Yeah, same. Although it would help if I would at least separate my magic books from my non-magical books. 

14. DAWN: [laughs] But then I wouldn’t have had the privilege of seeing an Animorphs book sandwiched between a book from hell about demonic contracts, and a user’s guide for an air fryer. 

15. DAX: Listen, the air fryer user’s guide is just a tiny book. This is a bookshelf. I was just putting it away. It belongs-

16. DAWN: [laughing] The manual is stapled! It’s a zine at best! Don’t you have somewhere you put all of your user’s manuals for-

17. DAX: [laughs] a zine?! [laughing] Hold on, let me take it off the shelf and put it in a comic book box. 

18. DAWN: [laughs] Yes, thank you. At least THAT makes more sense than the organizational paradigm you have going on right now. If like if it’s made of paper and has words on it, it goes on the shelf. What utter chaos. 

19. DAX: [joking] I’m a pansexual, nonbinary warlock. I don’t make decisions. I thrive on chaos, baby. 

20. DAWN: [laughs] That’s fair! You’re right. Leave your air fryer manual where it is. Sorry I’m making you have to do research on your night off. I just really need as much magical information as I can get my hands on, and you’ve been the most helpful witch I’ve met so far. 

21. DAX: Don’t apologize! [laughs] This is the most fun I’ve ever had on a first date. 

22. DAWN: I…uhh…is this a- I mean, are we on a-

23. DAX: Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ve been wanting to ask you if this was a date since you got here. That just kind of slipped out. I’m so sorry. 

24. DAWN: No, you deserve clarity. 

25. DAX: No, really, it’s okay. I’m just happy to hang out with you. It’s really nice just being able to play video games in the same room as someone else. I don’t feel like I need to fill the silences with you. 

26. DAWN: Yeah! I like that I don’t feel pressured to fill silent moments with small talk, when I’m with you. It’s just nice to be in the same space. The whole idea of dating as a social norm has always confounded me. There’s so much meaningless small talk that gets chalked up to “getting to know” someone. But when you’re dating someone you’ve just met, they’re not being themselves. They’re performing some idealized version of themselves. You won’t get to know them until they drop the act, after a few months of dating. 

27. DAX: Yeah, I get it. You don’t do dating. It’s totally cool. I’m just happy to hang-

28. DAWN: Oh, that’s not what I’m trying to say! That’s not it-

29. DAX: Oh, so is this a-

30. DAWN: Well, I mean I think you’re the first person I’d actually want to date. 

31. DAX: Oh! So what- what does that mean? 

32. DAWN: Well, I don’t quite know. I want to try dating you, but I also don’t think I can. 

33. DAX: Can you try being my friend? 

34. DAWN: Absolutely. 

35. DAX: Cool. Then I’m good if you’re good. 

36. DAWN: Don’t you want an explanation? 

37. DAX: You don’t owe me any explanations. You literally could have just said “no” to whether or not it’s a date, and I’d be good. That’s a full sentence. I’m just happy to have a friend to get stoned and play Dark Souls with me. 

38. DAWN: I-I know I don’t owe you an explanation, but I want to give you one. 

39. DAX: Okay. 

40. DAWN: It has been taking all of my energy to try to solve my own murder and stop Carmilla, since I started my year as a Lucky Winner. It’s been 2 and a half months, and they’ve felt like 2 years. 

41. DAX: Yeah, I’d imagine. 

42. DAWN: I have to budget my energy for this stuff, and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us for me to split my energy even further. I’d end up having more sensory overload and shutdowns like I did at the VoyR convention, because I’d be overdoing it trying to date, or you’d barely get any of my attention, because I’m at capacity trying to solve the case. 

43. DAX: That makes sense. Of course solving your murder is your top priority. I get it. I’m really fine, Dawn. Like I said, I’m REALLY happy I have a friend. It’s been really hard being social, after Max was murdered. Hanging out with you though, that feels effortless. It feels like we’ve been friends for a long time. 

44. DAWN: Yeah, it really does, doesn’t it? 

45. DAX: Maybe we knew each other in another life. I’ve heard that people who-

46. DAWN: Holy shit! Sorry to interrupt, but holy shit. 

47. (SOUND) Pulling book off of bookshelf 

48. (SOUND) opening and flipping through book for a little while 

49. DAX: What is it? 

50. DAWN: This book just said “Demi-gods”. That’s what Ambrogio called The Rider in Rita’s dream. 

51. DAX: Oh! Oh yeah. I got that at a warlock swap meet. I’d take whatever’s in there with a grain of salt. Demi-gods are kind of on par with cryptids, for witches. The sources are as reliable as you’d find in a book about Mothman. Nobody really knows-

52. DAWN: [gasp] 

53. DAX: Ho-lee fuck. 

54. NARRATOR: Dawn had flipped to a water damaged page of the ancient book. The hand written text on the page was smudged beyond reading, but the illustration opposite the smudged writing was clear. A drawing of a tall woman, with black hair, and in black leather armor, stared back at Dawn and Dax. The writing beneath her was in a language Dawn didn’t know. 

55. DAX: [shook as hell] Oh my god. 

56. DAWN: It’s not just me? Because that looks exactly like-

57. DAX: Rita, yeah. That’s sure as hell Rita. 

58. DAWN: What language is this underneath the drawing of her? Can we find out what it means? 

59. DAX: It’s the language of one of the big warlock patrons. 

60. DAWN: Do you know someone who speaks it? 

61. DAX: I speak it. 

62. DAWN: What does it say?

63. DAX: It says “death’s daughter.” It says Rita is death’s daughter. 

64. (MUSIC) Outtro