Butthole Bear

The gals enter the DREAMSCAPE. They meet a new old timey friend...maybe a friend? Still not clear on that. Rita workshops some ideas with an iconic film and dance legend. Dawn shows us the treasure she’s been hiding in her garage.  There’s a thrilling rescue mission for a butthole bear.

Cast:
Narrator, Crawford - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn - Emma Fuentes @og_emmakid
Greylance, Gene, Chris - Kyle Coughlin @kale_simplykale
Felton, Rider - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222
Rita, woman - Brianne Leeson @brianne_leeson

Special Guest Star:
Raythea- Danielle Blanchette of the Can’t Stop Learning Podcast - @cantstoppod

Writer, Director, Assistant Editor
Brianne Leeson

Editor
James Leeson

Original Music written and performed by Sean Turner
Cover art by Bryn Keenum @brynandbristles

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Email: Luckywinnershow@gmail.com

Transcript

Rating Introduction:

1. (Narrator voice): Are you tired? Listless? Looking for a moment of escape from this hellish nightmare reality you inhabit? Today’s Lucky Winner from Sanguis Pharmaceuticals can help.

Independent studies, that are definitely not fictional, show that listeners reduced their boredom by up to 69%. 

Today’s Lucky Winner is not for everyone. Do not listen to Today’s Lucky Winner if you are under 18, easily offended by cussing, or are a snitch who can’t listen to fictional drug use. 

Side effects may include giggling, distraction from worldly concerns, and hyper aggressive sleep punching. Ask your doctor if Today’s Lucky Winner is right for you. 

(“Previously on” to put together later

2. SCENE ONE: Dawn’s computer playing WoW, talking on headset: Night time

3.(SOUND) Rewind noise

4.(SOUND) MMO fight sounds

5.RAYTHEA: Dawntless! Can you debuff this Lich?

6.DAWN: Yeah, one sec.

7. (SOUND) MMO fight sounds

8.GREYLANCE: Fuck yes. His HP is pretty low.

9. FELTON: Greylance, Try not to catch aggro from the zombies. I think they should disappear once we take down the Lich, but we’ll wipe if we draw their attention.

10. (SOUND) Big kaboom, Lich dying noise

11. DAWN: Got him.

12. RAYTHEA: Yes! Way to go, Dawntless!

13. GREYLANCE: Holy shit, that’s a lot of loot.

14. FELTON: Support class my ass, you wrecked him, Dawntless.

15. DAWN: Thanks. 

16. RAYTHEA: Good work, everyone! Hey Dawntless, we were talking about having a group video chat on the Discord server after this raid. We were thinking a virtual happy hour? Would you want to-

17. DAWN: Uhh..I. What? You cut out-

18. RAYTHEA: DID. YOU WANT. TO-

19. DAWN: I’m sorry you...uhhh-

20. (SOUND) Chat disconnection beep

21. FELTON: She hung up again, Raythea.

22. RAYTHEA: I’m aware.

23. FELTON: I told you she wouldn’t want to.

24. GREYLANCE: She’s a good caster, but she IS a frigid bitch.

25. FELTON: The name calling isn’t cool.

26. RAYTHEA: Lay off the name calling, Grey. [pause] Besides, I don’t think it’s personal. I think she’s really lonely.

27. (MUSIC) Intro

SCENE TWO: Long, bright hallway: Dawn is alone

1. NARRATOR: Dawn walked down a brightly lit hallway, the walls lined with evenly spaced doors. The hallway looked like it stretched into the infinite, with no end in sight. Each door she passed was different. She passed an ornately carved wooden door with a peeling paint job, a metal door that looked like it would be more at home in a submarine, and a massive arched door that looked as though it was the entrance to an ancient cathedral. 

2. DAWN: Where am I? Is anybody there?

3. (SOUND) Footsteps down hallway

4. (SOUND) Tap shoes in the distance

5. DAWN: Hello?

6. (SOUND) Door opens

7. RITA: Dawn? Uhh...I definitely didn’t want YOU here for this. 

8. (SOUND) Tap shoes walking toward Dawn

9. DAWN: What? Where are we? Why is this hallway so long? [pause] Why are you dressed like a flapper? What’s with the tap shoes? And why are you holding a bottle of baby oil and an acorn squash?

10. RITA: This is my dream. I think the hallway is representative of my mind, and I have my reasons for the flapper outfit and tap shoes. The oil and the squash are for a...snack. A dream snack.

11. DAWN: Your dream? Why am I here? I’ve gotta be dreaming. 

12. RITA: No, this is my dream. And I just- Why are you here? I didn’t make you. I definitely didn’t want you here for this.

13. DAWN: “Make me”?

14. RITA: I always lucid dream. I don’t even need to sleep unless I’m hurt. But, you know, someone let me get shot in the leg with their Nana’s sawed off shotgun.

15. DAWN: You’re the one who-

16. RITA: ANYWAY! Since I don’t have a human brain, I don’t need to sort through all the random information of the day in my dreams. 

17. DAWN: So that means you lucid dream?

18. RITA: Even better than that! I control my dreams. Think of it as my holodeck. 

19.(SOUND) Door opening

20. (SOUND) Tap shoes coming closer

21. GENE: Gotta smash! Gotta smash, gotta smaaaash!

22. RITA: GET BACK IN THE HOT TUB, GENE! I told you I’d be back in a second. I’m talking to Dawn. [pause] Oh, and be a dear and preheat the oven to 425.

23. (SOUND) Tap shoes 

24.(SOUND) Door closes

25. DAWN: Was that classic film and dance legend Gene-

26. RITA: Yes.

27. DAWN: And he was naked?

28. RITA: Yes.

29. DAWN: Except for tap shoes?

30. RITA: Yes. 

31. DAWN: And the thing clamped on his-

32. RITA: Fine! It’s a sex thing, okay! I mostly use this dreamscape for sex stuff.

33. DAWN: Gross. Why am I here?

34. RITA: I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t want you here for this. 

35. DAWN: Oh no. Jesus. Gross, the stuff you’re holding is for-

36. RITA: I’m workshopping something. You know what, let me get your input here. So, first you-

37. NARRATOR: Beautiful listener, per the advice of our legal team, some of Rita’s description of this act has been redacted. Disclosing the following act in full could lead us into some personal injury lawsuits. Apparently, had Rita attempted this in the real world, she’d be in violation of 2 different peace treaties, and guilty of a misdemeanor in 43 different states. A popular American donut franchise would also have grounds to sue her for intellectual property violation. 

38. (SOUND) Censor beep

(Add lib a lot of this, take several takes with Dawn)

39. RITA: -and it’s imperative that neither you or your lover plan to go to Cambodia in the next three months. They WILL deny your visa since-

40.(SOUND) Censor beep

41. RITA: I cannot stress this enough, you MUST make sure the acorn squash has cooled completely before mashing it and inserting it in the-

42. (SOUND) Censor beep

43. RITA: -don’t wear your good tap shoes for this. They will get ruined from all of the ejac-

44. (SOUND) Censor beep

45. (SOUND) Horse hooves cantering toward them

46. RITA: leading to the most intense-

47. DAWN: Rita.

48. RITA: Prolonged-

49. (SOUND) Hoofbeats are closer

50. DAWN: Ritaaa...

51. RITA: Orgasm that you and your lover have ever had, and a nutritious snack with 100% of your recommended daily intake of-

52. DAWN: RITA! HORSE!

53. (SOUND) Horse neighs, canters past them.

54. DAWN: What?!

55. RITA: What?!

56. (MUSIC) Interstitial 

SCENE THREE: Rita’s dream: Night time

1. NARRATOR: Rita dropped her squash and baby oil to pull Dawn out of the way of the incoming horse and rider. As they tumbled to the ground, the hallway fell away around them. The walls crashed to the ground, disintegrated into dust as they fell, and disappeared altogether. There was no longer a trace of the infinite hallway.

Now, they found themselves at the edge of a forest. The trees to their backs, they faced an expanse of rolling green hills. The sky was overcast, and the muddy ground squished beneath them. About a half a mile to the front of them was a small village of round houses, with thatched mud roofs. A distant scream echoed from the houses. The horse and cloaked rider were making their way to the town at a full gallop. 

2. (SOUND) Distant woman screams

3. DAWN: What did you do?!

4. RITA: I have nothing to do with this. I’d guess that I have TWO people intruding into my special sexy dream time.

5. DAWN: So this isn’t real?

6. RITA: I don’t think so.

7. DAWN: Well, it looks like someone wants to show us something. 

8. RITA: Cool. Horse. Village. Person rocking a hooded cape. Got it. They could have just left us a note to watch Lord of the Rings when we wake up. 

9. DAWN: Get up, Flaca. Let’s go see what that screaming is about.

10. RITA: Nooooo, but the hot tub. And Gene!

11. DAWN: They’re gone! And don’t you want to know who interrupted you? And why the hell I’m here?

12. RITA: [groans] Fine, but don’t run too fast. These tap shoes are slippy.

13. (SOUND) Two people walking quickly through mud.

14. (SOUND) [as narrator speaks] Melee fight noises. Screams. Sword sounds.

15. NARRATOR: As Dawn and Rita neared the village, they found the source of the screaming. A woman sat on the ground in the center of the town, wearing rags too threadbare for the cold weather they were in. She was covered in dirt and dried blood. There were ropes tied to her hands, and a large bearded man holding those ropes. About a dozen villagers watched with anxious anticipation. 

The rider of the horse passed by the man, bludgeoning him with the hilt of their broadsword. He immediately released the ropes, falling to the ground in pain. 

16. (SOUND) Rita BAMF

17. DAWN: Did that person just-

18. RITA: Poof? Yeah! That’s my thing!

19. DAWN: Do you think they can see us?

20. RITA: No, I think we’re just watching. 

21. NARRATOR: After the rider teleported off of their horse, they stood in front of the woman on the ground. Their stance softened, as they extended an upturned hand to help the woman onto her feet. They sheathed their broadsword and pulled a dagger from beneath their cloak, deftly slicing through the ropes that bound the woman’s wrists together. 

22. RIDER: (scary voice filter, different from Rita’s) Are you the one who summoned me. 

23. WOMAN: Y-yes. My...m-m-

24. RIDER: Do not fear me. I am here to serve you.

25. WOMAN: M-my husband has accused me of dark magics. He—he caught me with-

26. RIDER: It does not matter what you have done. Has he caused this injury to you?

27. WOMAN: Yes.

28. RIDER: Do you wish my hand of judgement upon him?

29. WOMAN: Yes.

30. RIDER: Is this he? The one who had you bound?

31. WOMAN: Yes. 

32. RIDER: Then he will be judged. [louder, to the rest of the village] As all will be judged, should another woman in this village be injured by the hand of a man. Watch, as this will be the fate of every man here, should I be summoned again. 

33. (SOUND) Man choking

34. NARRATOR: The hooded figure lifted the bearded man by the neck, possessing a strength disproportionate to their relatively small stature. A red light emanated from their hand and beneath the hood of their cloak. The man’s flesh began to sizzle and blister.

35. RIDER: The scales of justice have found you lacking. You intended to burn her, and now you shall be burned. 

36. (SOUND) Villagers gasp. 

37. (SOUND) Sizzling

38. (SOUND) A man’s pained shriek

39. (SOUND) A human body being engulfed in flames

40. DAWN: (gasp)

41. RITA: Gross.

42. (SOUND) Body being dropped

43. NARRATOR: The rider dropped the man’s immolated body to the ground and turned their head toward Dawn and Rita. With the red light still shining from beneath the hood, Dawn couldn’t make out a face. 

44. RITA: Fuck! They see us!

45. DAWN: This is a dream, they can’t hurt us.

46. RITA:  [panicking] What if we die in the dream and then we die in real life, huh? What about that?

47. DAWN: SHUT. UP. 

48. NARRATOR: From beneath the cloak, the rider pulled out something palm sized, and threw it toward Dawn. It landed at her feet. 

49. (SOUND) Empty pill bottle thrown onto soft surface. 

50. RITA: An empty pill bottle? Who throws an empty pill bottle? YO, ARAGORN! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

51. DAWN: This is an empty bottle of my mom’s MS medicine. 

52. RITA: What good does that do us?

53. DAWN: Look at the dosage instructions. 

54. RITA: This is nonsense. What does that even mean? [yelling at hooded figure] HEY! YOU! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

55. DAWN: It says “water bear”, and I know exactly what it means.

56. (MUSIC) Interstitial

SCENE FOUR: DAWN’S APARTMENT: MORNING

1. DAWN: Okay, after our dream friend- Were they a friend? Do you have any idea?

2. RITA: [mouth full of waffles] I don’t know. I’ve never seen whatever they were.

3. DAWN: What?

4. RITA: [mouth full] I. Don’t. Know. [pause] Hold on. 

5. (SOUND) drinking from a large bottle

6. RITA: Phew! Had to wash down those toaster waffles. I was saying- I don’t know. That scary person could poof the same as me, but I don’t know what kind of creature could light a dude on fire like that. 

7. DAWN: Hey, let’s try washing down the waffles with coffee instead of a liter of vodka. It’s 10AM. 

8. (SOUND) Pouring coffee

9. RITA: Thank you. Sorry, they’re so dry. 

10. DAWN: They’d be less dry if you weren’t eating them frozen. 

11. RITA: We’d be here all day if I toasted all of these.

12. DAWN: Oh my god, are you finishing the second box?

13. RITA: Yes.

14. DAWN: [exasperated sigh] Okay, I guess I’m not having waffles for breakfast. 

15. RITA: You want some vodka?

16. DAWN: I don- [pause] You know what? [pause] Sure. Splash a little in my coffee.

17. (SOUND) Pouring vodka into coffee

18. RITA: There ya’ go, little buddy. [pause] So what was your plan. You know what that pill bottle was about?

19. (Sound) Sipping coffee

20. DAWN: That empty bottle was for Neuremmunio. 

21. RITA: And that is?

22. DAWN: It’s the MS medication that Sanguis created. As long as the patient keeps taking it, their MS won’t progress. It’s groundbreaking.

23. RITA: And how much does this cost someone who doesn’t work at Sanguis?

24. DAWN: $800 a month. 

25. RITA: [mouth full] Holy shit! Who can afford that?

26. DAWN: Not many people. 

27. RITA: I can’t believe you worked for those crooks.

28. DAWN: Since all the evidence is pointing to my murder being perpetrated by someone at Sanguis, neither can I. 

29. RITA: What does “water bear” mean?

30. DAWN: A water bear is another name for a tardigrade. They’re my favorite animal. 

31. RITA: What? That doesn’t sound real. What is that?

32. DAWN: Here. 

33. (SOUND) Typing Noise

34. RITA: Gross! It’s face looks like a butthole!

35. DAWN: IT’S A BUCCO PHARYNGEAL APPARATUS, AND THEY SUCK NUTRIENTS FROM PLANTS WITH IT.

36. RITA: Geez, sorry. You really like these little butthole monsters. 

37. DAWN: More importantly, my mom knew they were my favorite. She got me this little water bear flash drive keychain a couple of years ago. It barely holds anything, but I’d use it for smaller files I needed to take to or from work. Sanguis had a privacy policy where we couldn’t put our files on the cloud or a third party storage site. Corporate espionage was a concern.

38. RITA: And?

39. DAWN: And, my water bear flash drive was at work when I died. They had me working with an outside app developer. The app release was to coincide with some new drug they had developed. 

40. RITA: What did the app do?

41. DAWN: That’s the thing, I’m not totally sure. I had saved some of the files the outside developer had sent me onto the water bear. It looked sketchy as hell. The app tapped into everything on your phone. Health apps, social media, banking apps, and even dating apps. Users would give blanket permission to Sanguis and the developer to access those in the terms and conditions. 

42. RITA: Nobody reads the terms and conditions.

43. DAWN: I do.

44. RITA: Present company excluded. 

45. DAWN: I had taken some of the most hinky parts of what they sent me and put them on the water bear. I showed my immediate boss, and he laughed at me. He said people sign away their data all the time, and this was just how some apps worked. 

46. RITA: Pshh..Men. 

47. DAWN: Right? I’m thinking that I may have gotten close to something that I shouldn’t have. 

48. RITA: So our dream rider wanted you to know that you had something important on your water bear flash drive. 

49. DAWN: I think so. The only way I’m going to find out is for us to go to Sanguis and hope that they haven’t thrown away my personal effects. 

50. RITA: So we’re going on a rescue mission for your butthole bear?

51. DAWN: Yep. We’ve gotta rescue the butthole bear. 

52. (MUSIC) Interstitial. 

SCENE FIVE: Detached garage outside of apartments: 11AM

1. DAWN: Okay, so you’re gonna be a little peeved when I tell you what’s in here.

2. RITA: Well, it looks like a garage. One would assume a car is in here?

3. DAWN: My apartment unit comes with access to this detached garage. 

4. RITA: It’s funny that you would even need that, since you don’t have a car and you’ve been making me take the DART bus in this Texas heat. 

5. DAWN: Well, technically it’s not a car.

6. RITA: Could we have “technically” been driving whatever you’ve been hiding in here instead of cooking up a case of swamp ass at the bus stop? 

7. DAWN: Yes.

8. RITA: Motherfu-

9. DAWN: It’s not exactly low profile! [pause] But if something goes wrong while we’re at Sanguis, we need to be able to make a getaway that doesn’t rely on the bus schedule. 

10. RITA: Fine. I’m still mad.

11. DAWN: I don’t think you’re gonna stay mad. 

12. (SOUND) Garage door opening. 

13. RITA: (gasp) FUCK. ME. 

14. DAWN: I thought you’d like it. 

15. NARRATOR: The small garage opened to reveal an ice cream truck. It was only identifiable as an ice cream truck from the silhouette. The paint job was what one would expect to see on a stoner’s van in 1978. Rather than display a menu of popsicles, vaguely shaped like beloved licensed cartoon characters with haphazardly placed bubblegum eyeballs, the truck displayed a confusing vignette. 

The truck was painted black. A painting of a busty blonde woman in a chain mail bikini graced the side without the service window. The blonde woman was riding a sabertooth tiger through the cosmos, and she wielded a flaming axe. Her expression was either one of rage or confusion. The artist’s vision for the heroine seemed to surpass their artistic abilities, so there was some ambiguity as to what her face was attempting to portray. 

16. RITA: Lil’ Buddy, why have you kept her from me? Why do you have this?

17. DAWN:  This was my mom’s. She worked her ass off selling ice cream up until a few years ago.

18. RITA: If you’re holding out on popsicles, I’m gonna be mad again. 

19. DAWN: She made her own ice creams. She’d wake up before the sun came up to rent time in a commercial kitchen. She made flavors that reminded her of Puerto Rico: Coquito, quesitos de guayaba, platanos maduros.

20. RITA: Jesus, that sounds good. 

21. DAWN: It was. She paid my way through college working 16 hour days in this thing. 

22. RITA: And what’s the babe with the axe doing on it now? Seems like weird branding for an ice cream truck.

23. DAWN: Her MS got too bad. I had been trying to get her to stop for a while. Her tremors and muscle weakness were making the job take even longer. She finally stopped when her vision was blurry. She knew she couldn’t operate a truck safely anymore. 

24. RITA: And she just wanted a sick truck to hang out in?

25. DAWN: I had gotten my job at Sanguis, and she gave me the truck. She wanted me to have a safe way to get around, since I’d be coming home from downtown late at night. A friend of hers who had a food truck said he could have his cousin paint it for free.

26. RITA: And he did this masterpiece?

27. DAWN: Yep. He was instructed to paint it black, which he technically did. It was free, and my mom wasn’t going to pay to repaint it. 

28. RITA: How were you not the most popular person at Sanguis, with this bitching ride? 

29. DAWN: I was a chubby dork in an office full of botoxed faces and crossfit bodies. I didn’t want the added attention of driving into the parking garage in this thing. 

30. RITA: But we’re taking her to Sanguis now? We don’t have to take the bus anymore?

31. DAWN: Yep. By first thing we need to do is get some gas. Then, we get you some new clothes. 

32. RITA: What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?

33. DAWN: You’re covered in weird stains. You still have a literal gunshot hole in your pants. You smell like old weed. I think you still have your inhuman barf on your-

34. RITA: Jesus, Okay. I get it. 

35. (SOUND) Rita BAMF

36. RITA: Is this better?

37. DAWN: You could have fixed your clothes this entire time?

38. RITA: Uhhh...yes?

39. DAWN: And you just walked around with mustard stains on your shirt instead of “poofing” them away?

40. RITA: That was nacho cheese. And yes. 

41. DAWN: [sigh] You are so gross. [pause] At least that’s one stop off of the to-do list. Let’s hit the road. 

42. (SOUND) Truck starting

43. (SOUND) Traffic noises

44. NARRATOR: Dawn and Rita made their way to the Sanguis district in Southeast Dallas. When they stopped for gas, Rita begged for an early lunch from the elotero in front of the gas station. Back in the truck, Rita spilled her elote on herself flipping off a truck that nearly sideswiped them while changing lanes on I-30. After half an hour of traffic, they arrived at the Sanguis district.

45. DAWN: I really didn’t think about the truck being to tall for the parking garage.

46. RITA: That’s okay, we found parking.

47. DAWN: Yeah, on the street. And it was $15. 

48. RITA: So what’s the plan?

49. DAWN: I’m going to pretend to be Rihanna Menendez again, since that’s what my ID still says. I’ll say I’m getting my cousin’s belongings. We’ll say you’re a distant, much whiter cousin who came with me. 

50. RITA: What if they need to see my ID?

51. DAWN: SHIT! I didn’t think about that. FUCK! How did I not think of that? They’ll want both of us to show ID, for sure. Can you just go stealth mode?

52. RITA: That didn’t really work out last time- Well, not the way we expected. I did meet Sunshine. But I’m just saying, that was the best case scenario for me getting caught. I don’t think I’m gonna have a meet-cute with every non-human who catches me in stealth mode. 

53. DAWN: Unless you have an ID, it’s the only option. 

54. RITA: Wait, I do have an ID!

55. DAWN: This is an ID for a 63 year old man named Arnold Cheng. 

56. RITA: Yeah. 

57. DAWN: And this looks like a West Virginia license.

58. RITA: Yeah.

59. DAWN: The expiration date is 1989.

60. RITA: Yeah, he was my last Lucky Winner.

61. DAWN: [sigh] You have to know this doesn’t help us at all. 

62. RITA: FINE! I’ll go stealth. I just really want to be involved and hellllp. I never get to do anything but barf and get shot.

63. DAWN: Maybe next time. Are you in stealth mode?

64. RITA: Yeah.

65. DAWN: Are you sure?

66. RITA: I am, but I feel like you’re asking for proof again. Are you gonna yell at me if I pop a booby out again to make sure?

67. DAWN: [exasperated sigh] Keep your boobies in your shirt and let’s go.

68. NARRATOR: Dawn and Rita approached the massive glass facade of the Sanguis Pharmaceuticals corporate headquarters. The skyscraper usurped the Bank of America building as the tallest building in Dallas. This new, shining beacon of the free market cut a 90 story silhouette in the skyline. As they entered, they approached the front desk, where Dawn made her case to get in contact with the head of the IT department. She even managed to summon up some tears. Internally, she was proud of herself to committing to the role of Rihanna Menendez so well. Rita was also quite impressed by the tears. Equally impressed? The head of security, who was watching them both through a camera placed in a floral arrangement on the front desk. 

69. (MUSIC) Interstitial

SCENE SIX: Security room at Sanguis 

1. CRAWFORD: You seeing this, son?

2. CHRIS: Um, those people at the concierge desk?

3. CRAWFORD: That shorter one is people, that gangly one with the mohawk ain’t people.

4. CHRIS: What do you mean?

5. CRAWFORD: You see that faint black smoky stuff kind of making a blurry ring around her?

6. CHRIS: Oh. OH! What is that? 

7. CRAWFORD: I think we got ourselves a Reaper. Granted, they don’t usually look like that.

8. CHRIS: What do they usually look like, Mr. Crawford?

9. CRAWFORD: I seen two, in my day. They’re usually these featureless, genderless balls a’ smoke held together in a black cloak.

10. CHRIS: What’s wrong with this one, then?

11. CRAWFORD: I reckon’ ain’t nothing wrong with her. She may just march to the beat of her own drummer. I respect that.

12. CHRIS: What is she doing here?

13. CRAWFORD: Well, Chris, her scythe ain’t out. From what I’ve read, that’s gotta be out for them to do their usual work. 

14. CHRIS: What do you think she’s doing, then?

15.CRAWFORD: I think that she’s helping out that little lady making crocodile tears right there. I think that lady is her charge, and she’s protecting her.

16. CHRIS: Oh! I learned about this. The shorter lady is probably only back on earth temporarily. 

17. CRAWFORD: Good, Chris. Exactly. And what good could they be up to right now? If you were a human, and you had a short time to go back to earth, would you spend it here?

18. CHRIS: No, not unless I had some business here while I was alive. 

19. CRAWFORD: Bingo! And knowing the kind of business that can get a Sanguis employee killed, it may be in our best interest that she not find what she’s looking for. 

20. (Sound) Picking up a phone

21. CHRIS: I’ll have someone escort them out right now.

22. CRAWFORD: Hold on. Now hold the phone, if we do that, we won’t get to figure out what she’s trying to do. [pause] I think I’m formulating a plan.

23. CHRIS: Of course. What do you suggest, sir? 

24. CRAWFORD: Call the front desk and let them know what we know. That reaper can only hide from humans, so that sweet Kelly at reception can see her clear as day. 

25. CHRIS: And then?

26. CRAWFORD: And then? And then we make them think they’re gonna get exactly what they came here for. 

27. (MUSIC) OUTTRO

28. Brianne records a button for the end